4 Things Your Emergency Fund Is Not For

The best way to avoid dipping into your rainy day fund for the wrong reasons is to tie it to a rabid skunk.

Your decision to create and fund an emergency fund or EF has paid off and now you have a substantial amount of money you can reach into in case a financial surprise comes your way. But now comes the tricky part: what constitutes an emergency? This is something that you have to work on. Otherwise, you might end up depleting your hard-earned EF in some expenditure that can certainly wait. In the meantime, I’ve come up with 4 examples of “once-in-a-lifetime opportunities” with the potential to induce you into a trance-like state that will facilitate the transfer of money from your pockets and into the opportunity provider’s hands.

1) Bidding on an Iron Man suit replica. I know, I know, it’s got all the bells and whistles including a fully functional HUD (head-up display), liquid cooling system, and surround sound speakers but it doesn’t justify that you dip your sticky fingers into your EF. I think you’d be better off taking your car to the repair shop so that they can take care of that rattling noise that’s been driving you nuts for the past 3 months.

2) Building a pumpkin catapult. The idea of launching 50-pound pumpkins through the air, while the crowds attending the Punkin Chunkin® competition cheer for you, makes your heart beat faster. If I may, putting together a pumpkin chucker might be many things, but an urgent situation is not one of them. Why don’t you fix that leaky roof, instead?

3) Buying a World War II restored flamethrower. Getting your hands on a fully functional M2 flamethrower effective for 20-40 meters is not something that you see every day. The problem is, unless you’re planning to use it for barbecuing ribs on an industrial scale, it won’t help you pay the rent and utilities in case you’re out of a job.

4) Registering at Stealthy Ninja Academy. You’re having the long-awaited one-on-one with your boss to discuss your career, but all you can think of is the flyer advertising the Stealthy Ninja Academy Boot Camp. You smile and nod to everything your boss says while picturing yourself mastering the ninja-throwing stars and smoke bomb escape…and it’s only $5,000! Here’s a suggestion: Deal with that wisdom tooth that likes to keep you awake at night from time to time. Once you’re done paying off the amount not covered by your dental insurance, then you can consider setting money aside so that one day you can attend ninja school. ☼

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Alex Guerrero is a content creator who lives in Lawrence, KS. He’s very vocal in his displeasure over pineapple pizza. Chocolate, on the other hand, makes everything better!